The Moron Fireplace

First Man had Fire.

Fire would be found in a pit or later a fireplace. With fire came soot and smoke.

Eventually Man put his fireplace behind a pane of glass, eliminating smoke in his dwelling.

And again Man figured out that he could have a fireplace burning gas that did away with smoke and the necessity of building and tending a fire.

Today Man has built a fireplace (The Moron Fireplace) which burns gas with fake logs for the singular purpose of decoration, not heat. Indeed this fireplace (THE MORON FIREPLACE) expels the heat generated by the flickering gas flame OUTSIDE the building. On purpose.

This is excess in living. This is how we know we’re better than those who can’t afford to heat their homes.

Posted on July 21, 2010 at 7:42 pm by Henry · Permalink
In: Life and Times

2 Responses

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  1. Written by unka dave
    on July 22, 2010 at 10:10 am
    Reply · Permalink

    Richard Nixon useta like having fires in the White House fireplaces all year long, so he told the staff to crank up the air conditioning. Fires. August. Washington. It’s a concept. These guys are his spiritual descendants.

  2. Written by Beth
    on July 25, 2010 at 7:52 am
    Reply · Permalink

    Oh a life of excess.
    Our last home built in the 50’s had a fireplace where the stack and brick was entirely on the exterior. The only way you’d feel heat from it in the winter was to sit right in front it.. completely useless.

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